Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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