can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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