I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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