If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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