do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
