I looked at my own cervix.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
