2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
