he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
