i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
