The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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