take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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