i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
3 2 1 whiskey
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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