my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
