just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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