well I can't set my house on fire every night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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