I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
