college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
