remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's like heaven, but drunker
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am available for nakedness
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