Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
