planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
