Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
