You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
