I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
