u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season