Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
