dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
