Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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