They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
