nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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