I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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