you guys were way drunker than both of me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
