It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
