Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
