you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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