She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
