DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
