I accidentally had phone sex last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
