Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
