You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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