This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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