Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
