honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let's paint friendship bongs
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
