I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
