guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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