We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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