in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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