Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
