Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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