Soap is not a condiment
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
