Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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