So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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