Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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