so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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