I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
