I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
