Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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