there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
