he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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