nut hugger
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
