I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
