That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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