I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
