apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
