On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
