You're so nebulous sometimes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
