apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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