Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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