We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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