Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
