Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
