Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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