Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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