goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
