eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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