if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
