It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
