my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
