I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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