you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
