you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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