I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
