id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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