Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
