I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
