Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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